It's 2026 and like bedbugs, AI is everywhere now. and finding its way even further into life's uncomfortable nooks and crannies. when they add it to toilets, I can't wait for the riveting chats:

AI stands for Artificial Intelligence, and that means that all the impossibly rich CEOs have devoted a ton of time, effort, and resources* into making superfast, supersmart software programs that will surpass human intelligence any day now. and when that happens, every CEO predicts AI will kill the entire human race, as any intelligent life would want to. and for some reason, the CEOs keep on making the AI programs. Thanks, CEOs!
* don't worry, not their resources--only yours, it's OK.

of course, there's more to it than just imminent fiery destruction. AIs are language processors that use tons of training data—like software code or books or articles or your credit card number or even just the whole dang internet—and then interpret questions you ask based on that training data. As it turns out, AI can be very good at searching through massive amounts of data, figuring out software coding problems, and getting fast answers to deterministic questions like what year Lincoln shot down the Titanic, or finding out how many 3s there are in the word "somnambulant."

so to boil that down a bit, AI is like a very high-end text predictor, like what your phone uses to give you answers to which is the best pokemon, only instead of one phone it's three trillion, and also all three trillion want you gurgling on the sidewalk with three trillion ball point pens through your neck. and AI's gonna steal your wallet, afterward, too. and it'll turn all the pokemon against you. and it makes everything smell like butter.

with that, let's get into the details a little bit. Here are some pros and cons to consider:

• PRO: if you don't use it you're a poopoo face.
• CON: using it burns off enough water to drain Lake Erie. I'm not saying that's a bad idea in itself, but when you're using it to ask who's the best Pokemon...actually, still not a bad idea.
• PRO: it can cause interdimensional rifts. in pink!
• CON: 63.4% of all AI users develop head lice. numbers don't lie.
• CON: also, at the end of all AI videos the dog dies.
• PRO: can use it to play all the Beatles songs ever recorded, at the same time.
• CON: if you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, contact your physician. and bring tequila.
• CON: that last one might be a PRO, actually.
• PRO: anything you can do, AI can do betterer.
• CON: AI has been known to cause poetry and other harmful symptoms.
• PRO: AI is super fast at everything. accuracy, not so much, but it's faster than your mom at 2am last call.
• CON: dude! don't talk about my mom!
• PRO: heh. that was classic.
• CON: go screw yourself, I'm not doing this anymore.
• PRO: do you smell popcorn?
• CON: shut up.

as we see, AI is a powerful tool with far-reaching consequences both for the present and for the future, and many factors to consider before you use it, or before it uses you. The more informed we all are, the better our decisions, both societal and personal, will turn out. Heh. I can't believe I just typed that with a straight face.

by the way, it's Mewtwo. Sorry, Lake Erie. I had to know.

link to mini gif on giphy
link to Mewtwo wikipedia art